“I was mixing a drink and I hit a tree.”
The Story:
Down home boy, Harkin Banks (Patrick Houser) picks up a tight-pantsed hitchhiker, Sunny (Tracy Smith), after she’s tossed out of her former ride for not blowing the driver. She’s on the way to San Fran, in no hurry, and decides to take a ride with Harkin to the skiing world championships at Squaw Valley. There, he runs into the Rat Pack, party-throwing, beer drinking misfits that are encompassed of virtually the entire tour except for the Austrian asshole, Rudi (John Patrick Reger) and his horde of brownnosers. The leader of the pack is Dan O’Callahan (David Naughton), a grizzled, drunken vet of the circuit and the man Rudi is most infatuated with destroying. After defeating prodigy Harkin by suspicious means, Dan gets fed up and challenges Rudi to a Chinese downhill race; first one to the bottom takes all. No rules. No holds barred.
Down home boy, Harkin Banks (Patrick Houser) picks up a tight-pantsed hitchhiker, Sunny (Tracy Smith), after she’s tossed out of her former ride for not blowing the driver. She’s on the way to San Fran, in no hurry, and decides to take a ride with Harkin to the skiing world championships at Squaw Valley. There, he runs into the Rat Pack, party-throwing, beer drinking misfits that are encompassed of virtually the entire tour except for the Austrian asshole, Rudi (John Patrick Reger) and his horde of brownnosers. The leader of the pack is Dan O’Callahan (David Naughton), a grizzled, drunken vet of the circuit and the man Rudi is most infatuated with destroying. After defeating prodigy Harkin by suspicious means, Dan gets fed up and challenges Rudi to a Chinese downhill race; first one to the bottom takes all. No rules. No holds barred.
The Review:
Hot Dog… The Movie is the crème de la crème in terms of well-shot ski action and brilliant tricks kicking up blizzards of snow into the frosty air, especially the skiing ballet. The skiers are all professionals that never seem to train and always seem to be in the mood to head down to the bar amidst the neon signs, Pac-man cabinets and Lester the Molester’s wet t-shirt contest. While the ripe melons stick to the thin fabric, the movie breaks out in an awesome 80s dance sequence and a winner is never crowned. Then again, who can lose in a contest like that? Smut? Hell no! The dance cuts to a window’s clear view of softly falling snow in the pale moonlight from the perspective of a cheesy love motel with Harkin a-strummin’ on his guitar in the faint light. Magical.
Dan steals the show, being the type of guy who brings his own liquor to the bar not for being too cheap to buy drinks, but because he’s just that much of an alcoholic. This is a good thing as Harkin may have the boyish good looks, but his personality leaves a lot to be desired. Harkin has a bit of a one-night stand with Sunny before being sought out by a veteran of the circuit that’d rather have poles in her mouth than in her hands, Sylvia (Shannon Tweed) whose unnatural, succulent tits stick up like sensuous silicone rockets to the moon. When Sunny spies Harkin getting busy in the hot tub with his new vixen, she gets mad and does what any “going to be 18 in April” girl would do, she runs into Rudi and takes the prick’s prick. I’ve got to hand it to Rudi, he is one of the meanest jerks in teen comedy history.
This love triangle carries very minimal weight, ultimately resulting in very little dramatic tension at the apex. We simply want Harkin to win because Dan’s can’t do it himself and we’re pissed at Rudi because he messed with Dan and used Sunny who used Rudi to get back at Harkin who she acted like she never wanted in the first place. Games, people. Stop playing them. Colorful characters include Kendo (James Saito), who speaks such horrid English only the other members of the pack know what he’s talking about, and lovable druggie Squirrel (Frank Koppala), who has been on the tour for a few years, winning under $400 and been laid a grand total of twice. I’d put my money on Sylvia having taken Squirrel’s nuts both of those times. Alcohol flows like water and Dan actually has a custom made vest that has a dozen compartments for airplane sized liquor bottles. I want one of those suckers for Christmas!
7 out of a possible 10 inches.
It’s easy not to think too much with all the Hot Dogging going on; you’ll watch this one multiple times for the great shots and drunken hijinx, not the drama. Things like Squirrel putting notch number three in his belt on a ski lift while the Rat Pack watches on in support of their bud and Sunny and Harkin being greeted by a completely naked desk clerk who checks them into their hotel room are the focal points of the film. Couldn’t she have put a towel on after getting out of the hot tub? Don’t ask questions that the answers don’t matter to. Hot Dog is high velocity skiing mayhem with all the bush, boobs and buns you’ve come to expect from a premiere 80s teen comedy icon. (Brett H.)
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