Monday, August 4, 2014

Latest Reviews & Updates

Casual Sex? (1988)
Private School (1983)
Surf School (2006)
Book of Love (1990)
Monika (1974)
Private Lessons (1981)
Dazed and Confused (1993)
Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
The Hangover Part II (2011)
The Endless Summer (1966)
Bachelor Party (1984)
Malibu High (1979)
One Crazy Summer (1986)
Private Resort (1985)
Rock N' Roll High School (1979)
Murmur of the Heart (1971)
Dirty Dancing (1987)
Meatballs (1979)
Joysticks (1983)
The Stoned Age (1994)

Latest Honorary Graduate : Wooderson

School might be out for summer, but B.A.L.L.S. Academy is now in session! Our curriculum includes raunchy sex comedies, teen movies, sexploitation, coming-of-age dramas, character salutes, trivia and just about everything in between with multiple updates each and every week. The opening round of reviews feature five flicks we’ve deemed essential, plus one that hangs nice and low with the big boys. So break out your spirit of choice, to hell with the mix and prepare to be schooled in the arts of chasing broads, raising hell, defying authority, and just livin’ life. June 8, 2011... B.A.L.L.S. drops!

Surf School (2006)

“Have you been reading those Hustlers I gave you?”
“A lot of the pages are stuck together.”
“Yeah, they do that. Humidity.”

The Story:

Giving into pressure from his mom, lacrosse star Jordan (Corey Sevier) relocates midway through his senior year of high school from Maryland to Laguna Beach to gain more experience in the sport. Falling from the popular lacrosse guy to unpopular lacrosse guy in the eyes of the bevy of Californa surfer types at his new school, Jordan finds solace with the weirdos; the virgin, the goth chick and the punker. When the topic of a senior trip to Costa Rica taking place during the High School Surfing Championships arises, Jordan convinces the exhiled from attending group of misfits to ball up and head to the tropics to not only raise some hell, but to learn from former surf champion, Rip (Harland Williams), the ways of the wave and beat these jerkoffs at their own game to become the best surfers in the country in just two short weeks!

Book of Love (1990)

Crutch, the weirdest thing just happened to me. This, this girl offered me hot sex for a dollar.
"Why didn't you come and get me?"
"Crutch, she was just like, nine years old."
"So what, my cocker spaniel's only five!"

The Story:

Jack Twiller (Michael McKean) is on the verge of a divorce; however, when he gets a phone call from an old friend, he’s prompted to take his old yearbook off the shelf and reminisce on his childhood. He specifically goes back to the 50s, when he moved to a new town, where he was sure he was going to get his ass kicked just for being new. Instead, he instantly met Crutch (Keith Coogan), another neighborhood kid, who introduced him to Spider (Danny Nucci) and Floyd (John Cameron Mitchell); together, the friends go went high school, having plenty of fun along the way, while also learning some tough life lessons--mostly about love. 

Casual Sex? (1988)

“I’m driving this rich couple around in my limo, right? Then, get this; Mr. Big Bucks waves a couple twenties in front of my face. Says he wants me to get it on with his wife while he watches, right? You know what I’m talkin’ about, right, snapperhead?”

The Story:

Despite a staunch difference in personalities, best friends Stacy (Lea Thompson) and Melissa (Victoria Jackson) are practically inseparable. Tired of local guys that think with the wrong head, they hop a bus to a spa resort in hopes of meeting new, more sophisticated guys on their vacation. They neglect to fathom that this might be the goal of every other girl primed up for fun in the sun, not to mention the fact that the supposed buff and mature men they plan to encounter might just be the irritating dude on the street corner howling whenever a good looking broad prances by searching for new meat to ogle. The spa is populated with a potpourri of characters, all with the same intent; it’s as though all the anomalies not satisfied with their daily lives have accumulated en masse to find exactly what they thought they wanted to get away from in a more relaxed setting. Focused on putting their hearts first and private parts second, the two friends continue their search for love in another wrong place.

Private School (1983)

"Bubba says we did it once and it was very good for both of us, but I was passed out I don't remember a thing.”

The Story:

The girls at Cherryvale Academy (where cherries go to be popped, apparently) are in the middle of another school year, which means its time to tease all of the boys and engage in catty rivalries. The main event finds Christine Ramsay (Phoebe Cates) facing off against Jordan Leigh-Jenson (Betsy Russell), as the latter has an eye for the former’s dough head boyfriend, Jim (Matthew Modine). Meanwhile, the boys at nearby Freemount Academy are constantly raising hell with their constant attempts to break into Cherryvale’s campus…and its inhabitants’ pants, of course!