“Just say we are too late, and Leezar was able to...get her cookies. Would you still want her?”
"I don't want to think about that."
"Yes, I know...but what if he buttfucked her?"
"I don't want to think about that."
"Yes, I know...but what if he buttfucked her?"
The Story:
After being accused of sleeping with a dwarf king’s wife, degenerate Prince Thadeous (Danny McBride) must use his wits and luck (mostly luck) to escape and return home to his kingdom. Upon arriving there, he learns that his brother, the more admirable Fabious (James Franco), is also returning from a heroic quest. Fabious not only triumphantly carries the head of a cyclops, but also a beautiful young bride (Zooey Deschanel). However, the wedding festivities are interrupted by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux), who kidnaps her with the intentions of raping her to fulfill an ancient prophecy that will give birth to a dragon. With a legion of knights in tow, the two brothers set out on a quest to save the young princess--that is, if Thadeous can get his shit together, of course.
The Review:
There’s been a growing trend in Hollywood that’s allowed the current generation to basically run amok with studio money and craft love letters to the stuff they grew up on. What’s more, this crop of filmmakers often do so through the eyes of their 14 year old selves; as such, Your Highness feels like the likes of Krull, Conan the Barbarian, and Willow, only if they had a bunch of jokes about dicks. It appeals to the lowest of brows (or is that balls?), and its biggest source of humor comes from the discordance between the modern vulgarity and supposedly prim and proper haughtiness of a chivalrous age. Yes, it‘s silly and the type of stuff that pubescent boys laugh at--but so is a website named Balls Academy. So, if you like silly, boorish humor with little wit or intelligence behind it, this will be like a quest for the Holy Grail to you.
If you’ve seen McBride’s portrayal of overgrown manchild Kenny Powers in Eastbound and Down, you can expect the same from him here. His Thadeous is an immature, child-like stoner who is more concerned with hitting bongs rather than clashing swords. Of course, he wants to prove that he can do the latter as well as his older brother, even though he knows such swagger is unwarranted. Still, since he's a good-hearted fuck-up, fate gives him that chance, and we always love to see the underdog buffoon succeed in genre movies like this. The film’s other notable character is McBride’s female foil and would-be love interest Isabel (Natalie Portman), who conveniently belongs to a sect of knights dedicated to stopping those who would fuck to make dragons.
Portman is a radiant presence who gets a chance to show off her comedic skills by being the straight-faced, possibly psychotic ass-kicker in a world populated by a bunch of nuts. A lot of the effectiveness here probably stems simply from being taken aback by the usual graceful Portman’s rare foray into crass. The rest of the cast is also silly, including the impish villain, who assures us that his penis will be ready for the big night because he’s had plenty of practice with it. Franco, whose recent hosting gig at the Academy Awards proved that playing a stoner isn’t a stretch for him, is a fairly nondescript noble hero; however, his bromance with McBride is fun and appropriately full of fist bumps and adrenaline-filled, muscle-flexing hand shakes.
This is one of those spoofs that also tries pretty hard to be the movies it’s goofing on. While it’s certainly one big farce, Your Highness throws in plenty of action and combat sequences, some of which make the film as equally gruesome as it is just plain silly. Body parts and extremities are hacked off and splattered about with regularity, and some get displayed as trophies--one of these instances makes for what is perhaps the longest-running dick joke in the history of cinema. It’s stuff like this that will stick with you, along with a perverted old toked-up wizard, a horny minotaur, and a clan of topless forest nymphs. Indeed, it’s pretty obvious that McBride and fellow screenwriter Ben Best scraped the bottom of the smoked-out bowl for material. But hey, there’s no doubt that Your Highness is the best Medieval stoner comedy ever made. And here at Balls Academy, that’ll earn you a spot on our syllabus. (Brett G.)
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